Huwebes, Mayo 19, 2016

MAYOR DUTERTE PUNCH LINES

The feisty mayor’s one-liners and quotable quotes, delivered in stone cold fashion, are so chilling you can’t help but laugh about it and just wish he isn’t  serious. Or is he?
Here are some of Duterte’s kick-ass punch lines:
“Unlike in most seaside cities, our fish in Davao are chewy – because they eat people – criminals thrown into the waters. Why bury them, when the stink will lead to discovery of the corpses?”
“A man being scolded will hold his balls. It’s primordial instinct, to protect his means to transmit his genes from his generation to the next. Whenever I need to discipline lawbreakers, I point my gun to their groin. Invariably they mend their ways.”
“Why are foundlings always left by the church door? Because they’re children of the priests, that’s why.”
“I’m too old and lazy to work 25 hours a day, eight days a week, as President. The pay is low. Meals would be free, but then I own an eatery. Still there’s a call for me to serve, and I want to do something significant for the country.”
“I warn criminals: you do not have a monopoly of evil. I can be cruel, although I don’t need to be.”
Not to be left behind, The Davaoist Blog made its own compilation of Duterte’s most memorable quotes:
“Kung hindi naman kayo tarantado. Anak ko yan eh. I only know one event yung tatay iniwan ang anak. God the father allowed his only son to be crucified. The problem is I am not God the father. But she is my daughter. Period.”
“The criminals have no place in this city except jails, detention centers, and god forbid, funeral parlors.”
” Stop or leave. If you can’t or will not, you will not survive. You can either leave vertically or horizontally.”
“Pag napatay niyo, doblado, 4 million ako. Ngayon, pag dinala niyo ang ulo ni Ryan Yu dito da akin,lagyan mo lang ice para hindi mabaho, dadagdag ako nang 1 million. So that’s 5 million.”
” God must have been somewhere else or forgot that there was planet Earth.”
Talking about alleged rice smuggler Davidson Bangayan in a Senate hearing, Duterte said: “If this guy would go to Davao and start to unload, pag nakita ko siya in the commission of a crime, I will gladly kill him. Siyempre hihintayin ko siyang lumabas. Pag lumaban ito and he puts up a good fight, I will not hesitate. I will do it for my country.”
Duterte on critics of her daughter, former Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte: “Ano? Mga columnist? Oh! (shows dirty finger) ta#@n*a (expletive), hindi lang sampal ang inabot noon. (Expletive), you wage a battle against your own people using policemen?”
Duterte on publicist Philip Lustre: “You are suffering from mental impotence. You have to see a doctorsa tinuod lang(to tell you the truth). You are a journalist… in your caliber, your English is acceptable, tolerable grammar (but) there’s something wrong in your mind. You’re mentally impotent, it’s not really working.”
Duterte on rumors that he has throat cancer:  “Naghihintay lang ako ng panahon, sasabihin ko sa buong Pilipinas kung bakit itong taong ito hindi puwedeng maging presidente….Camp ni Roxas, yung isang PR nila. Ako raw ay may cancer of the throat. Ang asawa ko, may cancer, nagkaroon ng bypass.”

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